Dear Andrei,
I hate waking up in the middle of the night. I would prefer to be on nodding off terms with reality. I have not yet come to terms that this separation is final. I guess each one has their way of remembering. The way in which we all project onto others is bound to be fatal because it is a fantasy. Our minds in time will reveal bitter disappointments. I am still fearful of my own explosive nature. Which is a part of the reason I have chosen to live and breathe in a faraway place. I feel free within my simple days of watching diamond shape lights dart across the floor. I love myself enough to do absolutely nothing but relax and pay attention to hidden delights. I have learned how to see clearly in the dark. I have learned that when I am not missing you I tend to miss missing you. When you meet someone new are you reminded of my absence? I have dreams of you but your face is blurred and all else is in focus. I wake up with dry eyes and frustration. I am still hurt by memories of you. This constant state of happening is exhausting yet warm. Maybe the warmth is only felt deeply because of its familiarity. Time is slowly dying as my longing for you grows. The time has not yet come but it is near. You have no idea who I am now and I’d like to keep it that way. Myself is untouched and so therefore the closest it has been to being true. What am I wearing in your mind? What are we doing?
Nova
